My kids love to watch a show called Time Warp Trio and it always gets me thinking. Wouldn't it be cool to go back in time and experience what life was really like back during the different ages?
Growing up I never really cared for History but the older I get it really has become something very enjoyable and fascinating.
Time Warp Trio is about 3 friends (the trio) who go back in time with people from past history. They find their presence in the past makes drastic changes to their present and future and then have to figure out a way to fix things in order for their lives to go back to normal.
It makes me think about how their have been times in the past when I have wished I could turn back time and change things from my past or do things differently because I either wasn't happy with my choices or mistakes I made. Also because I felt life has dealt me a difficult hand growing up and even now and wonder how much easier life could have been or be today.
What I have come to realize through all the bad choices and mistakes I made and the hand I was dealt with in my past is that all of it has made me into the person I am today which I am grateful for and I wouldn't want to change a thing by going back in time.
According to Time Warp Trio, it usually just makes things worse and messes things up. I definitely wouldn't want to change the hand I was dealt as a child because it was that hand that brought me to move thousands of miles away from my family to Florida and it was the mistakes I made growing up and while living in Florida and having my life threatened from a boyfriend that brought me to the point of truly searching for God and what religion was supposed to be all about.
And if it wasn't for all those past choices, mistakes and hand that I was dealt with, I wouldn't be blessed with the wonderful husband and two beautiful children I am today which I am grateful for even though I still have days I want to run away!
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Lori,
You know, I think I've heard it said that "Great minds think alike." :) Ok, ok, I know that was prideful. :) Honestly though, I do see God's hand in all of this. He's the One giving us the similar tracks. It's so awesome how He shows us ever so gently, where we still need to grow, or where we've grown quite a bit. I wouldn't want to go back and change any of my past either, although like many people, there are days that for a moment, I am tempted to think "What if." I do know though, that without my life's trials, I wouldn't be in a position to minister to other women effectively. And that God made me who I am today through those same trials. Obviously, when I was a child, I could not see any benefit in the abuse, nor could I see the benefit in my struggle with anorexia. However, when I look back now, I use those experiences as a knowledge base, and not as a means to regret my life. I sometimes become saddened for "that child" but only in the sense that I see myself (then) as any child and not so much as myself. (I know it's me, I'm "looking at," but I'm not sad for me, just for the child.) Does that make sense? I hope so. :) God has brought me through so much, that I give Him thanks every day for the knowledge that through Him, all things are possible, and that He has a Plan for my life- and that plan is not to bring me harm. Blessings.
Beautifully said, Shalene.
Lori, this is a great post. I saw the preview of a movie once called Sliding Doors with Gweneth Paltrow. I never saw the movie but apparently it depicts two lives of the same woman. This is an interesting concept.
I wonder what my life would look like now if I was obedient to Christ in all things.
Wouldn't it be interesting to see a dual life. The first, with the choices we have made. The second, with all perfect, Godly choices.
Now, that would be something!
There are those days when God gives me that glimpse of what would have happened.... in a certain situation or with a certain person. And in that clarity, I can say, "Whoa, that was close!"
God's provision and protection are perfect! I am ever so grateful!
Shalene, your comment about having that sadness, compassion and love for the child you once were makes perfect sense and oftentimes brings much healing. As I get older it's easy to get caught in the "if only's". But to take away one of those mis-steps now would be taking away so much more that I've gained in my walk to Christ. Perhaps I wouldn't have felt I'd needed him so much if I hadn't stumbled so much trying to do life all on my own. Very thought provoking post and responses. How amazing to think that through all of my stupid choices God was still there loving me no matter what.
This is a hard topic to be honest about. Yeah, I am the person I am today because of my past but, I'm not altogether sure that I'm happy with that.
I made bad choices, most of which I'm glad I did. I know my experiences made me a better parent. One in particular I would change in a heartbeat. It hasn't really left me scarred only regretful, knowing the blessings I'm missing out on.
Presently, my relationship with God is strained, at best. My view of my Heavenly Father is tainted by the view of my earthly father. What I know is what I practice. I also know that my earthly father is imperfect and pinning his character on God isn't truth. It's not that I haven't forgiven, its that a life I knew for SO many years has left an imprint on my mind. Much like the dog we just rescued. No matter how much we love on him and tell him that he can trust us, he still cowers and displays moments of sheer terror. He's always waiting for other shoe to fall, so to speak. Will that ever really go away? I don't know. It's frustrating and heartbreaking. Much like God must feel about me.
I want to trust God, to have that faith. But, it feels like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to fall just like my dog.
I, too, can see the child that Shalene sees. I see that child as separate from myself and weep for her at times.
To wrap it up, I have learned from my past. Without tooting too loudly, I've been a good mom. I learned how NOT to parent. I've encouraged my boys to make choices they won't regret. My kids know that I love them and God does to. That's something I never had.
If I could back in time?.....Hmmmm
Sheri, I thank you for sharing with such openness. I really like seeing that kind of honesty, which hasn't always been easy for Christians to feel comfortable doing. I understand what you mean about changing some things - I definitely have one or two regrets of my own.
I'm sorry that you're struggling with your relationship with God. This may sound wacky - I hope it doesn't sound trite or dismissive - but there was a time when I couldn't relate to God as "father", even though I'd had a very positive relationship with my own dad. I read how Native Americans used the term "grandfather" for the Great Spirit, and for some reason that worked for me. I hadn't had an earthly grandfather, but the concept I had made me feel a deepening love when I called God by that name. In time the word "Father" worked itself back into my dialogue with God.
You don't sound at all like you're tooting your own horn. It can be really quite a miracle to become a loving and good parent when that wasn't modeled for you. What grace for you, what a blessing for your children to have a mother like you.
Thanks so much for writing.
Sheri,
I grew up with an abusive stepfather. As a result, my view of God was likened to him, as well. It took years for me to come to grips with the fact that God is God.
I, too, made some really bad choices that I still live with to this day. I keep asking God for forgiveness over the same sin(s) knowing that while I am doing it I am practicing pride...sometimes, really believing that though God may be able to forgive this person or that...not me. My sin was just too big.
Satan deliberately pushes our focus to "remember" what we've done. To stay in that place of shame and guilt from which we've already been redeemed.
A few years ago, I came to this conclusion. I was chosen for this life of mine. Then I got really mad at God. Why?
Here I am...still healing from the wounds of my past. Yet, with it comes this peace that I've never known. And, this desire to be solution and action oriented in ministering to the wounded hearts, souls and bodies of women.
For this, I was chosen, too. Perhaps, you too.
Thank you for your testimony. For your transparency. For your courage. You've got what it takes. Your post reveals that much.
I've been pondering this idea of going back in time and I've decided that I would change some things...alot of things.
I hear you when you say that you are who you are because of your experiences and I get it.
I'd still make the changes.
BUT...because I can't make these changes, I'm comforted and humbled by the fact that my Father has bestowed so much grace and mercy on a wretch like me.
Over and over again.
How I love Him.
Anne & Randee, Thank you for your encouragement.
I'd like to comment further on the analogy of my new dog. After weeks of positive praise and unconditional love, I'm happy to report that Tucker is doing much better. The pain is gone from his eyes, but the fear still shows itself at times. I am rewarded with a tummy that loves to be rubbed. How cool would it be if we could do the same? Just let go of all the bad and open our hearts to God in the ultimate display of trust?
Yes! And, learn to ACCEPT for ourselves His infinite forgiveness.
We hold onto what He has let go of. How dysfunctional is that!
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